There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
