He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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