He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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