hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
