maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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