If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
