The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
