I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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