You really coming over, don't trick.
Buhtt sex?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
