Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's just like the Real World with babies
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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