Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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