They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
