i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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