If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
