Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
