she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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