I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
there is glitter all over my balls
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize