Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize