I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
