I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize