So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
