i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize