Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
