he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
