I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
