You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
