Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
