I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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