if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
