I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
