I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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