like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
