u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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