I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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