I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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