turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
