I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
