After last night, I could never be a politician.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
