NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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