if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
