there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
