somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
