i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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