The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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