I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
