Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
