alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
