ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
