Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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