I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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