would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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