He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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