Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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