even my farts smell like vagina
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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