Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
