hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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