Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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