How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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