and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
